我的我的时间

 疫情肆虐，教育转教网课。

坐在电脑前，两个小时？三个小时？不清楚。

研究课文，准备PPT，设法通过屏幕用最简单但却得让学生一目了然的方式呈现网课。

扭扭脖子，揉揉眼睛，多久没那么充实过啦？

我不爱网课，但是唯一让我雀跃的是，

这样为自己的事情充实的过日子，好久好久都没有了。

悼。念

 谢谢您从小到大把我捧在手心上疼。

很遗憾，没能够像上次一样，握着您的手，告诉您别怕，有我在。

生死离别这一课，我怎么都学不明白。

Doublechin ~ Double The Joy

So, here I am, holding this little one in my arms, fighting the urge of dozing off, to write this down because I think these few months is worth remembering and wanted it to be stored perfectly visual down my memory lane.

When I got to know I was pregnant, both of us were overjoyed. But this feeling didn't last for too long as I had this pregnancy sickness for four whole months. Every morning feeling nauseous, hungry but couldn't eat much. It followed by the sensitivity towards smell, vomiting, dizziness and out of breath. The only honeymoon month is my second trimester. When it entered the third trimester, back pain, swollen legs, heart burns, carpel tunnel all came at once on me. It was a bittersweet journey. Husband was there to see me going through all these and he was telling me, okay, just one kid. No more second pregnancy.

At my first trimester. Walking around shopping mall at that time was totally a hard work for me. Had to sit for every few steps I walked. 

Shedding tears quite a lot during my pregnancy, not sure because of the hormone changes or the suffers that kicked in. 

Attended a baby course which I personally think very beneficial and useful. 

Gained so much weight back then that I could hardly look into mirror. SO terrifying yet still having such high calories food =p

My EDD was supposed to be in Spetember. I was so happy that I could have my maternity leaves continued with my year end school holidays. However, baby decided to come out 4 weeks early as my amniotic fluid was at critical level. I was at the Putrajaya Hospital for my usual appointment and right after the doctor scanned my tummy, he wanted me to admit straight away. So we were asked to check with the registration counter for available room and went home to wait for phone calls to be admitted. I told Mr Chin that I wanted to have a nice decent meal before my confinement period starts. So we went for banana leaf rice with A BIG GLASS of watermelon juice. Hehe.

My last appointment before giving birth.

The very last time I got to enjoy cold drinks before confinement period starts.

When we went home, we sort of packed all the stuff with us. Labour bag was packed earlier on, then thermos, some milo, biscuits,  toiletries. And we started making phone calls to inform our parents and siblings.We got the phone call from the hospital around 5 o clock in the evening. I was told that doctor will undergo C-sec for me on Sunday (I was admitted on Friday). So when I was settled down at the room, the nurse put on the cardiotocography CTG on my tummy to check on the baby's heartbeat and contractions. At that night itself, the doctor on duty realised that I was actually having contractions which I was totally not aware of. To be honest, I thought my son was just stretching himself in my tummy. The CTG showed that I was having contractions from every 10 minutes to the later every five minutes. I was given two shots of corticosteriod, an injection to the mother to strengthen the baby's lungs to function. It is because my baby is considered prematured so I had to take this injection to speed up the development of baby's lungs. The injection was fucking pain that I had to endure the pain for like 10 minutes. And I needed to take TWO injections. I was squeezing myself, groaning, moaning when the dose kicked in. One of the nurses told me she had it for both of her kids. I really don't know how she went through that.

First day admitted. Nurses checking baby's heart rate

The CTG machine 

So, the next morning when I was happily having my breakfast (to be honest, Putrajaya Hospital serves quite delicious food), a doctor came in and was shocked to see me eating. She said I was supposed to fast as I had to go for C-sec later. I was like, WHAT?!!!! I was told to have my delivery on Monday and now it had changed to Saturday??!!! The doctor said my case is an emergency. I already had contractions quite frequent (which I didn't feel it at all), so the baby can't wait until Monday to come out. So, I had to put my yummy fried mihun aside, waiting for my turn to go in the OT at 12p.m..

Later at noon, I was directed to the OT with the company of Mr Chin and my mother in law. To be honest, I was freaking nervous especially when Mr Chin was not allowed to be with me in the OT.

Before going in the OT. Look at MY FACE!!!!!! I couldn't even find my chin T.T

While the nurse was explaining about the whole procedure. Honestly, nothing went into my mind. I was totally blank. 

Long story short, I was trembling crazily in the OT. Part of the reasons was the low temperature, and most of it was because I was super duper nervous. Around me were the anesthesiologist and her assistant and some nurses. My doctor was still nowhere to be seen. The nurses were busy preparing stuff, writing my details on the whiteboard in the OT. The anesthesiologist was discussing something with her assistant and I was shaking, still. Then, I was asked to sit straight so that the anesthesiologist could carry out her spinal injection on me. I felt a few pokes on my spinal and asked curiously that I need how many injections on my back. She told me that it was only one that I needed but they couldn't poke the needle in!!!! While saying so, she took out a huge big syringe and told me, now we use this bigger one see whether it goes in. I almost felt like jumping off the OT operation bed. Fortunately, this one got in. So while I was waiting for the epidural to take effect, my doctor came in, like finally. He was standing in front of me, chatting with the nurses. I couldn't see him as we were separated by a piece of cloth. So while I was hearing this clanking sound, I told my anesthesiologist that I could actually still feel people touching me (well, I was afraid that in case the epidural hasn't worked when the scalpel goes in). And she said, 'Oh.. They already began the operation, I can see your baby's head now.' I was like 'Ok, you gotta stop telling me that. I don't want any further details.'

Not before long, I could feel something lifted out from my tummy and within seconds, the loud and clear crying filled the OT. Holding my breath, I still couldn't let got my tense yet as I was worried baby would be too tiny and might need to be in the incubator. Followed by the sucking sound from the machine, I could feel some pulling and pulling down at my tummy there. Guess the doctor was finishing mending the wound. Baby's crying still could be heard while the nurse cleaning him. And then there came the moment where this little tiny fell was brought to my cheek, I took a glance at him, and asked 'Is he doing ok?' Can't hide my concern on him. I was told to kiss him on the cheek for three times, skin-to-skin contact. After checking his tag on his feet, checked on his gender, baby was sent out to let the father see. Luckily, this little fella was born 2.28kg, need not to be in the incubator. A sigh of relief.

A small screen for husband (in the waiting room) to know what's going on in the OT.

I was left in the recovery room for around half an hour before being sent back to my ward. I was still trembling. Nurse told me to rest while at the recoveryroom. I was too drowsy, cold, tired. I told myself, I don't want to go through this again, not by myself alone. It was too scary for me to be in the OT, that loneliness and helpless that crept in overwhelmed me, too much. When I was sent back to the ward, that night itself, my face, my body was so itchy that I couldn't help but to scratch myself like a monkey, and vomited every time after I had something to eat or drink. Only then I was told that all these were the side effects of taking epidural. Basically, I stayed for three nights in the hospital. I had to wear compression surgical socks to reduce blood clots and take blood thinning injection for ten days.

Was asked to take my measurement and buy the compression socks at the pharmacy in the hospital.

Our VIP room for our last night. Managed to get it on the last night. The first two nights we had to share with another couple, which was quite a nightmare to us because their  newborn wouldn't stop crying. 

Yeah, so basically this pretty much sums up what I have been through during my pregnancy. It was rather a bittersweet one I would say. Of course, the sweet comes now. A sweet burden that I would enjoy for the rest of my life.

P/S: I was supposed to finish this write up way before this. Now, I am putting this finishing on my son's nine month old birthday. HAHAHA! Well, better late than never. =p

2018之新学校

放假前一天，坐在电脑荧幕前。。。。。
又一年。。。。。
但是这一年，好充实，好有满足感的一年。
来到新学校，新环境，新心情。
刚开始的两个月，哭着向老公说我想辞职不干。
接着下来的两个月，向和我同期报到的同事说我们要勇敢的活下去。
后期的几个月，开始习惯，并爱上这里的工作环境。
没有太多的是非·，没有所谓的不公平待遇;
没有所谓的欺善怕恶,没有所谓的恭恭敬敬，
只有坦诚相对，和颜悦色
工作量虽然恐怖得多，文书工作更是不用说，
但是同事之间的互助，提醒，是大家一直做的动力。
我总算明白，工作环境能影响一个人的工作热忱。

新年最佳服装奖 （原来穿得红彤彤就有奖拿。哈哈！）

上半年100%出席率

下半年100%出席率

这样就给我骗走了3封大红包。哈哈！

拍毕业照。副校长最爱自拍了！

新春活动司仪

千人宴校庆司仪

儿童节司仪

（ 来到这间学校，他们没有要放过我当司仪这回事 =.='' ）

小六考试监考主考官 

那种压力，一次就够。明年不要再当了.

千人宴校庆晚宴

儿童节，与我最爱的学生们

教师联谊会邦咯岛之旅。校长，副校长，全都玩翻天。他们还颠过我们！哈哈！

沙登岭这间华小，还很新。老师们很多时候都是一个人兼任几份差事，苦归苦，但是我相信苦尽，会甘来。套我前校长的一句话，只有齐心合力，就算苦，也是甘甜的。

谢谢美好的2018，这一年的我，过得非常充实。

2019，我用最美丽的心情，等着妳的到来。

遗憾

这一刻的心情
如果你懂我
。
。
。
。
。
。
你的话我记住了
一定要遵守承诺
我等你

三千丝烦恼。一地落

坚持了很久
他不得不点头
让剪刀在我发丝上飞舞
收刀的那一刹那
一个字，爽

校长看了频频说，真年轻，年轻过年轻。很用力，很诚恳的。
好，以后我只能告诉我的他，说校长不让我留长头发... ...
妙招，妙招！

新学校。新故事

再次坐在电脑屏幕前，是为了要写下我这位学生给我留下的种种。
      他，是个过动儿，也是个在家庭暴力长大的孩子。他的父亲是名家庭主夫，母亲则在外打工。上有一名姐姐。
      初次见到他时，我完全不懂这个孩子的背景。一踏入班上，就看见他一副厌恶眼神，嘴上碎碎念，我依稀听到他说，“讨厌英文，上什么上！”手里一直在玩着自己的钱包。我见状，很生气，当场吗了他一顿，也当是在开学的第一天为班上同学下的马威。我告诉他，若他这么不想学，他可以出去，不要打扰别的同学上课。话毕，我就试图抢走他手上的钱包。可是这孩子的力量非常大。我硬掰不过他。手一放，他一脸赌气的，走出课室。当下我傻了眼。我觉得这孩子怎么那么没礼貌。后来，学生告知，他确实是有问题的孩子。
     回到办公室，一问之下，才知道孩子有暴力倾向，有自杀倾向。曾经在学校咬过警察，踢过老师，伤害过同学，为了报复学校把厕所的墙壁弄得全都是厕纸，一度激动地晕厥，威胁过老师要从高楼一跃而下。这些种种的种种，让我不得不庆幸他刚刚没有一暴力对待我。
     自此，我对他敬而远之。我不太敢惹怒他。每每要进他的班，我总觉得压力无比。心里有千万个不愿意，每一天期望他不在班。这种心态大概维持了一个多月。渐渐地，有时他在班上，我给同学做功课的同时，我随口和他聊天。起初的用意是不要他去骚扰其他同学完成功课（这孩子从来没有做功课，书包里只有课本）后来，孩子没办法和我长时间聊天，每次没说两句他就跑了。结果，有一回他带了一副魔术牌来学校。我让他猜我手上的卡是什么号码。他觉得很有趣。他可以安静地坐在位子上猜我选出来的卡的号码。当时的我兴奋不已。心想，终于有一样东西能够让他好好地坐下来不干扰其他人。
     就这样，我和他开启了玩伴的模式。慢慢地，我发现这孩子很聪明，只是他没办法专注。这里一哄，那里一赞，最终他开始做我的功课了。虽然次数不多，但是这带给我很大的满足感。四月九日是他的生日，那么凑巧，我在电脑系统看到他的生日。隔天，我把蛋糕带到他的面前，他眼中带点羞涩，惊讶。他一直追问我，我是如何知道他的生日。我只是笑眯眯告诉他，“厉害吧！叫我师父！哈哈！”
     这孩子，我对他既害怕又疼爱他。一直觉得很可惜，如果父亲能够好好地对他，或许他会全然是个不同的孩子。由于一些理由，开学后的我没办法教他了，觉得有点不舍。衷心祝福这孩子在未来的日子里，父亲能对他好一些。